Reducing Child's Stress

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A first step in decreasing a child's stress is to be knowledgeable and aware of the symptoms of stress.

Possible Signs of Stress in Young Children

Accident proneness - Hitting
Anger - Kicking
Anxiety - Insomnia
Appetite Loss - Stuttering
Baby Talk - Indigestion
Bed-wetting - Thumb sucking
Biting - Pounding Heart
Crying Spells - Grinding Teeth
Detachment - Fingernail Biting
Excessive Aggressiveness - Respiratory Tract Illness
Excessive Laziness - Tattling


Strategies to reduce child's stress


Children need help in learning to manage and function with the stress they feel. One means to assist children is to acknowledge their feelings. It is important that children understand what they are feeling, that we teach the word "stress" by letting them know that they may feel "butterflies in the stomach," or that their heart may pound. Let children know that it is all right to feel angry, alone, scared, or lonely. Teach children names or words for their feelings and appropriate ways to express them.

In the case of older children, help them learn to problem solve for themselves and come up with management (coping) strategies. This builds their independence and mastery of coming up with options, finding solutions, or finding other ways to comfort themselves. For example, if a child repeatedly bullies other children, lies, withdraws, gives up, hurts or blames other children, the adult can ask the child what other ways there are to handle the situation that caused the reaction in the child.

Promote a positive environment - Praise children for the acceptable things that they do. The experience of stress and tension can serve to defeat an individual's concept and confidence. Help children see and understand the positive things about themselves and that they are worthwhile persons. Listen without judging the child or the situation; that is, if the child chooses to tell you about the situation that produced the stress. Help the child feel comfortable in expressing feelings. Assist the child in clarifying his or her feelings. You may need to correct any misconceptions that the children may have about themselves or their feelings.

Set a good example - Children learn lessons from us, whether these lessons are positive or negative. Keep in mind that children are imitators and may cope with stress in the same ways they see adults handle their stress. In some cases, it is appropriate to explain, especially to older children, why something is being done. This explanation can often ease the child's reaction.

Help children through stories - Sometimes children can't talk to us about the distress they feel. They may not have the words or the concepts to easily express themselves. They may feel shy, embarrassed, guilty, or ashamed. If you try to talk to them using adult logic, most children will "turn off." How can we then talk to children about their fears and problems? How can we get through to them, let them know that we understand, and offer them ways to manage their fears and find comfort? Stories are a great answer. Children will "turn on" to story time. Some stories are therapeutic stories which help children feel better and cope better with their fears and problems. The character in the story can be a little boy or little girl just like them. They are worried about the same things and have the same problems to deal with. In the story, the boy or girl finds ways of coping with and resolving troubling issues of concern to the child. As the child listens to the story, he or she is able to identify with the hero or heroine. There is safety in the story. The child is free to listen and to learn without risking feeling embarrassed or uncomfortable.

Telling children stories about children with feelings just like theirs helps them realize that other children have been through the situation too. This is very reassuring to children. It also lets them know that you understand their feelings.

Telling a story also provides a way of communicating with children. If you are unsure of how children are feeling, you can ask them, "And what do you think John (name of the story character) was most worried about?" The answer that the child gives will be a direct reflection of his own fears, or anger. This communication about the story can be very effective because children can be very truthful and insightful about the feelings and fears of story characters even though they may be reluctant when asked about their own feelings.

When a parent tells a story to a child, an atmosphere of warmth and intimacy is created that is comforting for parents as well as children. It helps as a parent to know that storytelling is a simple, natural, and age-old technique that can be used to comfort children.

If a child is experiencing stress, there are other ways to assist the child to gain control. The aim is to help the child to relax. Some ways are: deep breathing exercises, listening to soothing music, reciting nursery rhymes and finger plays, listening to the rain fall, drawing or coloring. These "stress breakers" can help the child decrease the level of stress that he or she is feeling. Children can also learn to harness the positive energy of stress and use it to their advantage.

Be aware of the child's temperament; what seems to be fun for one child may feel overwhelming to another child.

Make an effort to cut down on activities when you see signs of stress in children's behavior. Allow children to go at their own paces. Structure activities so that children can cooperate with each other, lessening competition among children.

Teach children tricks for calming themselves, such as taking deep breaths, thinking of a quiet place, etc.

Take care of yourself! Children often pick up stress from parents and caregivers. Keep calm and control your anger.

Plan plenty of time for play. Inform children when there will be transitions or changes in the child care curriculum. Plan activities to allow children to express their feelings through play. Books, art activities, puppetry, play and drawing allow children to think through and label their feelings.

Reassure children that what has happened is not their fault. Children often believe that their "bad" behavior caused bad things to happen, such as the breakup of their mother and father. They have a tendency to assume guilt for situations that adults know are entirely beyond the child's control.

Give children a lot of cuddles, reassurances, and familiar routines, like a bedtime or sleep time story. Giving a child a special toy for comfort is also suggested.

Helping children to deal positively with stressful and tension causing events prepares them for healthy emotional and social development.This is an important responsibility of parents, teachers, and other caregivers: to effectively guide and help children.



[Author: Novella J. Ruffin, Assistant Professor and Extension Child Development Specialist, Virginia State University, Virginia Dept. of Education Licensed School Psychologist and NCSP]