What do I do when my children break the rules? 
Stay calm. Do what is fair. Sometimes, your children can help you decide what is fair to do when a rule is broken. Do something that makes sense and will help them learn not to make the same mistake again. For example, if they write on the wall, have them help clean it up.
You can use these problem-solving steps to help children think through what happened and figure out how they can help themselves not make the same mistake again:
- Have the child say what the problem is ("I want to go across town, and my parent says I cannot take my bike").
- Have the child come up with as many solutions as possible. At this point, the number of ideas is more important than how good the ideas are ("I could walk. I could take the bus. I could bike halfway and walk the rest of the way").
- Discuss solutions together and have the child choose which solution to try next time. Be sure it is a solution you can both accept ("I will take the bus").
- Check the results. If it works, great. If not, start again.
Two important messages come across to children when you use this approach. First, no problem is so great that you cannot solve it. Second, you are responsible for your own behavior.
What should I do when I am so angry that I think I am going to lose my temper and all I want to do is hit or scream at my child? 
Find a way to help yourself calm down so that you do not do or say something you will be sorry for later. If your children are old enough to be left alone or if there is another adult with your children, go somewhere else until you calm down. Tell your children what you are doing. Take a walk, go to another room, or even lock yourself in the bathroom. Try to stay away no longer than five or ten minutes. When you come back to your children, calmly explain your feelings.
Other ways to calm down are to listen to music, take a few deep breaths, or count backwards from ten. Try to do something with your hands to keep them busy - bake a cake, wash a counter, draw, write what you are feeling, or even just scribble. To help yourself not say anything you'll be sorry for later, chew gum, sing or even put your hand up to your mouth.
Remember, what you do always teaches your children what to do. If you lash out, won't your children learn to do the same? If you do lash out, apologize to your child. Saying "I'm sorry" teaches them what to do if they offend others.
What do I do if my children get really angry because I discipline them? 
Their anger is no reason to feel as though you're a bad person. Often children get angry when disciplined. As long as you are being fair, it's okay. Let them be angry but you keep your cool. Children must get their angry feelings out. Help them take time-out - draw, build something, play with clay, listen to music or go to a room alone and scream. Most important, when they are ready, help them talk about their feelings. Letting children get their feelings out is like taking out a splinter before it gets infected.
Teach them how to talk about their feelings without hurting or attacking other people. "I feel angry when I cannot go across town, because I want to be with my friends."
Remember:
Discipline is how adults teach children to grow to be happy, safe, well-adjusted members of society. Raising children is a tough job, but as children learn to control their own behavior, discipline gets easier and easier. It's well worth the initial effort as your children become responsible for their actions. And you can feel proud that your loving care guided them on their way!
Stop using words that hurt. Start using words that help.
[From kidsource.com,
Marilyn E. Gootman, Ed.D., teaches early childhood education at the University of Georgia and is the mother of three children.
How to Teach Your Children Discipline is published by the National Committee to Prevent Child Abuse, 332 S. Michigan Avenue, Suite 1600, Chicago, IL 60604.]
What do I do when my children break the rules?
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